Happy New Year! This year, instead of making a selfish resolution to exercise more, keep a budget or watch less “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo,” I have decided to make a very generous resolution: to make resolutions for other people and organizations who really need some. When it comes to resolutions, it’s always better to give than to receive:
Mayor Mike McGinn should change his mind and resolve not to run for mayor again this year — Mike, you seem like a nice guy; save yourself the embarrassment of losing in the primary.
The Seattle Police Department should resolve to finally address its excessive-force issues — You can’t solve a problem unless you admit you have one.
The Seattle Seahawks should resolve to protect Russell Wilson’s knees a lot better than the Redskins’ protected Robert Griffin III’s — No more downfield blocks, Russell!
Gun manufacturers and sellers should resolve to stop putting profits over the lives of people — Shame of a nation.
Bill Gates should resolve to pull a “Steve Jobs” and return to save his tech company from ending up on the scrap heap — Windows Eightn’t.
SeattlePI.comshould resolve to shut
down its website and retire the name “Seattle Post-Intelligencer” for good — Endless photo galleries of Hollywood celebrities and long-closed Seattle restaurants isn’t journalism — it’s just sad.
The Seattle Mariners should resolve to realize that attempting to win a World Series and trying to remain profitable aren’t mutually exclusive — What’s the point of building the largest scoreboard in the world if there’s no one in the stadium to watch it?
Seattle shoppers should resolve to support local stores, restaurants, businesses (and print newspapers!) more — Keeping money in your neighborhood is actually good for your neighborhood, your neighbors and you.
Patrick “Dr. McDreamy” Demsey should resolve to work at least one day a week in one of his new Tully’s stores, thereby guaranteeing a daylong line in at least one location. And hire the actor who played “Dr. McSteamy” to be a guest barista.
Crows and gulls should call a truce and end their daily battles in and above our city streets — Can’t you guys combine forces and go after the rats?
The Boeing Co. should resolve to fix its Dreamliner problems quickly before they turn into a nightmare — Airplane cabins are still supposed to be nonsmoking.
Local, state and national politicians should resolve to work together, do their jobs and put their constituents and country ahead of their political parties —Although making fun of Republicans is so fun — and easy.
Metro bus drivers should resolve to use the bus intercom for important announcements only, not to hear the sound of their own voices — How can riders focus on ignoring one another in silence with your constant blather?
Banks should resolve to stop opening a branch on every single corner in the city — Don’t you know that everyone banks on-line now?
Seattle television newscasts should resolve to focus a little more on actual news and a little less on the weather — Do you really need to send a reporter to report on snow in the mountain passes in January?
Well, that’s enough generosity to start the year. Besides, I have to go watch “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.”